girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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