I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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