hotel room ftw
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
