my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You pole danced in your parka.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
