i already hear my dad disowning me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found the puke drawer
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
