so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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