Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize