i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have fence marks all over my body
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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