I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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