Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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