your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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