just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
