Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
honey bunches of taint.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
