singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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