Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
