First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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