it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
