This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
