zippers are such a cool invention
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
3pm strippers are depressing
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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