called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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