then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
