Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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