I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bring me that man meat
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
