Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
