She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
