i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
