Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's always time for handjobs
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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