I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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