after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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