We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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