Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
