This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize