I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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