Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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