just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
