guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
