I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
