Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
