oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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