yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
