Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
