In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
