One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
