Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
