those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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