new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
