The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
