The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize