Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
