if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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