I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
