He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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