Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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