im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
