Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize