im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
