maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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