I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
