Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My vagina just clenched in fear
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize