Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
