I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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