My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
