I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
