Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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