what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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