I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
