Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
