His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How's work?
Spinning.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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