I accidentally burped into my bong.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
