so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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