I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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