It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
