I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
