Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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