i think my tv is drunk
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
