I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
