but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
