It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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