In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize