Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
