the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
