dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
