It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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