I want to stick my p in your. b.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
