I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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