It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
