i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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