And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
