apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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