i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
