Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
