So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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