sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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