i love accidental penises.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
sex in a hospital.. check
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
