CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
