I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize