Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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