I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
